Before we start this article I want to say that you should only take what resonates with you and leave the rest.
My views can be different to yours and in all honesty, it’s easier to give advice than take it.
So, take what means something and leave the rest.
Anyway, today’s article is all about moving on after cheating, it’s written from a guys perspective, but all can be switched around to fit anyone.
What’s Their Reasoning
Loyalty and respect are the two things everyone will say they have, yet no one seems to practice them.
Look at most relationships… You have the flirters, validation cravers, the tempters and the cheaters.
All at the end of the day want to know if they can do better than their current partner and get the validation of knowing they’re still hot.
That’s why reasoning is so important, for example, If you’re in a long distance relationship on a downhill slope without much in-person communication, cheating is more.
Whereas if you’ve been together years, had kids, love each other (that’s key) and cheating happens, it’s a complete break of trust that will take years to heal if you stay with them.
So, what was the reason?
- Lack of sex
Why You Should Dump A Cheater
We’ve gone from 0 to 100 real quick and it’s because no matter why the person cheated unless you’re following an open relationship format, it’s wrong!
The worse part about it is usually it’s the person who was cheated on that feels all the pain, unhappiness and sharp emotions, it can quite literally destroy their life.
Even when they want to forget it and move on they can’t.
So, whether you were in a relationship for 4 years and cheating occurred or with them the past 20 years, you’ve got to understand two things:
- Cheaters, cheat.
Whether they do or don’t cheat again you’ll have to take their word for it and the word of a cheater is shabby at best.
Can you live without that trust and do you think you’re strong enough to rebuild the trust again? I’ve seen people very strong, try and fail.
- You deep sadness and angry will remain for years
When it comes to a break in trust this big, you’ll forgive way before you forget.
Often this makes staying together impossible and very hard on your kids (if you have them) and truly hard to yourself.
When Cheating Is More Understandable
There’s plenty of sexless marriages that run on an environment of pity and guilt where one partner decides they don’t want to even sleep or share any emotions with the other one.
At this point, if you’re the person who’s holding back sex, love and communication then you NEED to end it.
You’re wasting their time and they will go and find that love somewhere else and it’s even sadder when they don’t and they wait, and after 20 years of no love, sex and emotions they finally break up realizing that, that part of their life was completely wasted.
This is when cheating is more understandable as they were looking out for a lack of something that every relationship should have.
Even though it’s still wrong, it’s more forgivable.
However, in my opinion, if they were looking out of a lack then you’re still not compatible and how much harder will it be to provide the love, sex, and other emotions after an act like that?
So it’s best to split and take things from there.
Process Of Leaving Someone
Here are some of the things to think about while leaving someone.
If You Don’t Have Kids
Cut them lose, you don’t have as many ties and even though you may love them completely and with all your heart it’s easier to heal when you’re on your own.
It’s far harder when you live with each other and have to pretend to like them, even when you’re in pain and have anger and resentment running through your veins.
If it was a one-time thing, maybe you’ll grow to forgive them, but going cold turkey and completely taking them out your life is definitely the best way to go.
In this time you can live, repair and socialize, even have some casual sex, this is the last thing on your mind, but it’s all part of moving on and repairing the damage.
If You Have Kids
It’s not easy, but I can tell you if you have kids it’s far more damaging raising them in a hostile environment with anger and shouting matches than it is to raise them with separated parents.
Staying with someone for the kids isn’t a thing anymore.
In most western societies you’ll not be treated any differently for separating after something like this, so there’s no real reason to stay.
Don’t however, go through the pain of breaking up to get back together, then break up and repeat this cycle, it’s not fair on your kids and is selfish.
Tips For Breaking Up
Here are a few things I feel might help you
- Getting Revenge
As fun as it may be, going an cheating on them won’t make you feel any better.
Even though it’s what they deserve, it’ll leave you feeling more empty. If you want them to feel what you do, then move on and cut them out of your life.
That’s the hardest pill for anyone to swallow.
- Avoid Social Media
Don’t talk crap, spread gossip and start fights on social media.
Not only does it get you nowhere, you’ll just be feeding the gossip trolls and defending yourself against an audience who wants to see your scandal.
Meet up instead, if they won’t speak to you then LEAVE them.
It’s hard, but you’ll never be satisfied with what you get on social media and even if you have loads of friends which hunt them, it’ll still have no real effect on them in the long run, so why bother?
- Don’t Let Yourself Slip
The best thing you can do after something like this happens is to get in shape, eat good healthy food, join a few classes and start living your life.
Don’t start eating bad food, becoming a victim and let your life slip away, this just makes everything more painful in the long run.